The entitled old-person community of Rancho Mirage took a break from worrying about all those under-30-year-olds making all of that damn noise to instead worry about all of those seedy types roaming around The Cheesecake Factory and Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory at The River.
According to The Desert Sun, the city council approved an ordinance which would require 2 security guards be on site during the day and one overnight (making aspiring Paul Blarts of the world happy I suppose). The River would also be required to have four surveillance cameras (you have to keep an eye on those up-to-no-good Fleming’s custmoers I suppose).
And why the new ordinance? City leaders heard rumors that the shopping center would be reducing the number of security guards on site – and because Rancho Mirage fears everything, they flipped the fuck out and passed ridiculous regulations that apply to no other shopping center in town (but then other shopping centers do not have those nefarious P.F. Chang’s and Yardhouse diners walking around!).
Now one would think a company who just forked out $65 million dollars for a shopping center would already have a huge interest in keeping their investment and the people who visit it safe and secure – but that is just not enough for the city leaders of Rancho Mirage who clearly live out every day of their lives in a state of constant panic and terror.
