Dear Mr. President,
Hey, look at that. You are coming back to the Coachella Valley yet again for some golf an important summit. That’s cool. I mean, you have to meet with people as part of your job. I get it.
But, when it comes to these meetings, you know and I know, they are kind of a part-of-the-day thing. When people come to the Coachella Valley for conferences, they don’t just stay at the hotel, they go out and have a good time. You should too.
And to make sure you do not get stuck in some shit-hole tourist trap, I, along with some rad Cactus Hugs readers, am here to take you around to some cool local joints to have some fun. And no, I am not taking you to Showgirls – as, while it might be fun, it will probably be bad for your poll numbers (even though you really do not need to worry about those anymore). Rather, how about we all go out to some cool local hangouts?
We will grab a sammy at TKB or the Sandwich Spot (your call, as some are not big on Dutch crunch bread), play a few holes at Porcupine Creek (I know that you know a guy who can get us in), hit up happy hour at Stuft Pizza, play some penny slots at Augustine, then take an Uber your rad limo to Neil’s Lounge for some karaoke.
Now, there is usually a long list for the karaoke, but, because it is you, they will probably get you the mic pretty quick so you can wow everyone with your excellent vocal skills. The rest of the time there, we can throw down some cheap beers, relish in their pretty-amazing-for-a-dive-bar bathrooms, and debate whether that animal mounted on the back wall is actually moving.
It will be great, you will love it, and if there is still time, we can go looking for Midget Town at the end of the night.
It’s probably the last time you are coming the The Coachella Valley and dammit, it is now or never to hang out with us locals and see what The Coachella Valley is all about. Rumor has it, you might even be thinking about moving here. Might be a good idea to see what it is really like first, eh?
I will go ahead and keep both February 15th and 16th open. Just have your people call me to confirm.
Looking forward to it,
Casey and the 13 people who read Cactus Hugs
