Hey there, you. Have I told you that you look amazing? Oh, not just saying that because you are only a few hours away from becoming a billionaire – though, when you do win, just know that I can use a new car. And by new car, I mean Bentley.
The Powerball is now up to 1.5 billion dollars for Wednesday’s drawing – which I am guessing will be just enough money in your bank account to let you quit your job. But just to be safe, do not tell your dumb boss to eat shit just yet. Let’s go ahead and make sure you actually win tonight first.
Your family is going to become a bunch of greedy panhandlers after you win, so you might want to enjoy your last few hours of regular family time with them today. You know what? Be sure to tell all of them you love them today – just in case something weird happens and your crazy aunt wins the Powerball instead of you.
And while spending all that money is going to be a blast, you might want to read up on what to do once you win to make sure that a bunch of dickhead “financial advisors” don’t fuck you out of all the loot- Lifehacker has a nice article on what to do when you win.
Some people say that money can’t buy happiness – but, you rarely see rich people crying – so, that has to be a load of crap. You are going to enjoy all that money. And dammit, you deserve it.
I congratulate you on becoming a billionaire in advance.
And just let me know when you want to take me to the Bentley dealership.
