As we all know, there are only two ways to move to Bel Air. The first involves a couple of guys who are up to no good starting to make trouble in a Philly neighborhood, the other is to pay an insane amount of money for this home.
The house made news this week as it went on the market for what its obnoxious website said was the most expensive asking price ever in the US. Now, do know: I am no realtor. I leave that to all the retirees and television news anchors in the Coachella Valley, but I would like to show you around for a tour – just in case you happen to be reading this in Bighorn and are looking to upgrade. Then, I will gladly go out and get my real estate license for that sweet, sweet commission.
With that all said, here we go (all photos via 924belair)…
I know you are looking for space. I am going to go out on a limb here and say this home has enough room for you. Oh, I should mention, there are two master suites, 10 “oversized VIP” suites for guests, 21 (!) bathrooms, three kitchens (which seems totally necessary), and, so you never have to leave, there are five bars.
Nice view, eh?
But, because you will give a shit about the view after 2 weeks, there’s a TV that pops out over the pool.
If you are planning to go the MC Hammer route and have a large group of people constantly over to mooch off of you, there is plenty of room at the table for them.
This will surprise you, all the furniture in the picture was bought at IKEA for $35.
Because only a home in the slums doesn’t have 4-lane bowling alley…
And a theater bigger than half the ones at you local cineplex. Note: this theater is only allowed to play James Bond movies.
I should mention, you do not have to sneak candy into the theater (or wait to play foosball).
We put this in because of all that damn candy…
The naked pretzel man is there to encourage you to keep your head down while getting a couples massage.
Now, do know that this room does not come with all this wine. But, I did the math, and you can fill it up with Two Buck Chuck for $96.
These are photos of the roommates you will be sharing the home with. Note: one of them is pretty damn grumpy.
The velvet ropes are not just for show. Only VIPs should be allowed in this room. You should also hire a bouncer.
There is room for plenty of VIPs. But, they must love surfing.
I know you have been looking for the type of place where you can complain about the minimum wage going up to a standard where people can afford to eat and have shelter, all while having your helicopter pad in view. Well Mr. One Percent, this is it.
There’s a desk, but if you can afford this type of home, clearly you do not ever have to worry about doing work.
There is also plenty of room for cars, should you choose for some dumb reason to forego helicopter travel.
Just make sure to only own cars too valuable to actually drive.
Once again, the place is going for $250 million, but I think I can talk the seller down to $249 million. Now, what do you say we put in an offer…
