Californians are not making babies like they used to and, well, it is really putting a damper on the dreams I have had about becoming an old person in the Coachella Valley.
The birth rate dropped to its lowest rate ever this year with only 12.42 births per 1,000 Californians, according to ABC 7. The last time it even came close to that was back in the middle of the Great Depression when it was at 12.6 in 1933.
Some say that no one is making babies anymore because more Californians are going to college and pursuing careers – but, whatever the reason, this is terrible news.
As someone who has spent the last 20 years in the Coachella Valley surrounded by a majority of elderly residents, I have been waiting patiently until the day comes when I could spend my days yelling and complaining about young people with the other members of my 55+ gated community. But, if no one is making any babies, my elderly ass is not going to be able to that, am I?
I am also not going to be able to justify not tipping my server because, “I am on a fixed income,” make Highway 111 a nightmare for other drivers, or ban an entire group of young adults from my city – so start making babies already, dammit! My future self demands it!
Note: my future self also demands that you get off my lawn, you damn kids.
Thanks in advance for all the babies born nine months from now. Here is a little something to get you started:
