Welcome to Ask Clare, our advice column. Have a question, dilemma, or quandary? Sent it to Clare in an email or on her Facebook page.
Clare,
I enjoy finding fun spots to get lucky. My husband…not so much anymore. He’d rather stick to the bedroom. We’ve hooked up in closets at open houses, near hiking trails and in parking garages. We were caught once. It wasn’t the greatest, but we didn’t get into any trouble. How do I convince my husband that the risk is well worth the reward? – Bump n’ grind
Bump n’ grind,
I admire your adventurous spirit. It sounds like the trauma of getting caught in the act may have been akin to a cold shower for your husband’s sexploration, a term I am coining here – you’re welcome for that. You should compromise for a while. I think you’ll get a rise doing something new and risqué. What would take you a little out of your comfort zone in the privacy of your own home? Maybe a trip to Skitzo Kitty or Not So Innocent is in order. You can also have fun yourself in nature and beyond – happy trails!
Clare
Readers – weigh in here and let us know if there are any spots that would rival the Bump and Grind.
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Clare,
I’ve been friends with ‘James’ since high school and we’re now in our early 30s. Our friendship as teenagers was really close but also really dramatic. James has always been a high maintenance friend – even into adulthood. Now that we’re older and busy with work and life, we see and hear less of each other. When we do talk, he just complains that it isn’t enough. Frankly, I’m sick of the negativity he brings to my life and I think we’ve just grown into two very different people. Here’s my question – is there a way to ask for a break in our friendship without creating a scene? – Friend or foe
Friend or foe,
Friendship is a beautiful thing – until its not. Friends should be supportive and enjoyable to be around. Regular guilt trips are not a part of a healthy friendship. You don’t need to announce your intent to fade out on James. If you don’t want to spend time with him, then don’t. If you don’t want to hear the guilt trip, then tell him you’ve got to go. Not being friends doesn’t mean you have to be enemies. If you feel like connecting in a few months, years, decades – give him a call. The good news is that the internet makes it very easy not to have friends these days.
Clare
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Clare,
I have feelings for a coworker. Our company has pretty lax rules about dating. I’ve tried to drop some very subtle hints, but I don’t know if she is picking them up. I don’t want to be too forward for fear that she’ll be uncomfortable. I want a date with her, not HR. How can I find out if she has any interest? – Guy next cubicle
Guy next cubicle,
I wonder how low key your ‘very subtle hints’ are. Your feelings may already be pretty clear and unreciprocated. Don’t talk to others at the office about your feelings or speculate around the water cooler about whether she’s single – this may land you a free pass to HR. Ask her if she wants to grab lunch. If she’s not into lunch, leave it to her to make the next move, or not. Take it slow if there is something there – and if/when you’re both ready, do make sure to let HR know so that you don’t get yourselves in trouble.
Clare
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