Screw you, dude with the loud ass leaf blower!

Hey, guy with the leaf blower. Oh, wait, you probably can’t hear me. HEY!!! GUY WITH THE LEAF BLOWER!!!!! Yes, you! Can you turn that awful thing off for a minute so we can talk about how terrible you are being with that thing?

I know you have to make your money somehow, and we all are relying on you to have our paths, lawns, and yard free of debris – but dammit man, that loud ass machine you use to do it is annoying as fuck and, let’s be honest, kind of worthless. Especially here in the Coachella Valley, home to maybe 3 or 4 total leaves.

No, instead you blow around sand. No one ever sees you collect the sand. Rather, you just blow it into the neighbors yard. They, in turn, hire you to blow it all back over the next day. Then the whole cycle just repeats itself over and over creating plenty of money for you…and plenty of noise pollution for everyone else.

Speaking of which, why must you always do your blowing around of all the stuff before 7 a.m. on the only day people have off of work. Actually, that part of you truly fascinates me. Even someone with a flexible work schedule that changes by the week, you still find a way to wake them up before the sun comes up on their day off.  How do you do it?  And how do you know to be even louder if they went out drinking the night before? Is it a heightened sense you gained as you lost your sense of hearing? This, we would all like to know.

Now, no one is saying you do not have an important job and, no one is saying you are not good at it.  My complex of condos always looks great after you are there – and, while the leaf blower is awful, we all appreciate you not using up California’s last few drops of water to spray everything down instead.

So you can see: we all like what you do, but I, for one, would just like to explore some other way of doing it.  If only there was some type of alternative to both the leaf blower and spraying down with water.  Hmmm…can anyone think of anything?