Hey, parents. Are you excited about taking the kids out for fun this Halloween? Well, you shouldn’t be. You should be afraid. Very, very afraid!!!!
Here’s what the local news around the country is doing to scare the shit out of parents just ahead of Halloween.
First, you should probably just go ahead and shave off your kids’ hair now….
HEAD LICE WARNING: Be careful trying on Halloween costumes https://t.co/lO2SLp2miy pic.twitter.com/WRfrHFQpox
— ABC7 Eyewitness News (@ABC7) October 23, 2017
Oh, and no costumes this year. You know, just to be safe…
Parents warned to stop children using this Halloween costume over safety fears https://t.co/lalsHcK4nM
— Bristol Live (@BristolLive) October 26, 2017
Be sure to shield their eyes…
https://twitter.com/eHealthyDaily/status/920792231111520258
And, for the love of God, do not let them accept any candy – because there’s drugs in everything now…
State police to parents: Beware of marijuana-laced candy during Halloween season. https://t.co/cvS9eQ4m0J pic.twitter.com/6WkhurDOsL
— WPMT FOX43 (@fox43) October 30, 2017
Literally, everything…
Parents are being warned to watch for cannabis-laced gummy bears this #Halloween. https://t.co/4sYTZ5soJs
— Global News Radio 880 Edmonton (@880Edmonton) October 30, 2017
Every kind of drug…
WARNING: Police in Jackson, #Mississippi are warning parents about these 'halloween candy.' They are not candy. https://t.co/9r4gGy3z1a
— Merrida Coxwell (@Coxwelllaw) October 18, 2017
In every possible form…
https://twitter.com/urbantoronto/status/925060052393873413
Even bath salts!
Florida parents warned about bath salts disguised as candy as Halloween nears https://t.co/DUPEl7j72j pic.twitter.com/fawyVzycbL
— WPTV (@WPTV) October 30, 2017
Oh, and even the candy that is actually candy is not safe!
#Candy #Overdose ? #FDA Issues #Warning On #BlackLicorice Dangers for #Halloween – CBS Pittsburgh https://t.co/VSL0NCNOEX
— Channing Frampton (@Channing_TV) October 30, 2017
In all seriousness though, don’t give out black licorice because black licorice is super gross.
Happy Halloween, parents. Hope your kids can somehow survive.