Humana has pulled out as the title sponsor of The Bob Hop Chrysler Classic, The Humana Challenge, Whatever the Hell it Will Be Called after the 2015 golf tournament.  Organizers claim to be hard at work finding a new title sponsor to kick in the reported 6 million dollars – but no need for them to do that, as we have narrowed the list down to 5 perfect sponsors for the annual January golf tournament in The Coachella Valley:

1) Life Alert

Clearly a great choice for the Palm Springs golf demographic.

2) NoDoz

If you have ever gone to a golf tournament as a spectator, you know that you will need a few of these to make it through.

3) iPhone

So now you are all hopped up on NoDoz – but that does not change the fact that attending a golf tournament is still boring as shit.  Thank God for smartphones and their games!

4) Enbrel

If this company has enough money to put Phil Mickelson’s face on every my TV every time I turn it on, they have enough money to sponsor the tournament.  (of course, Phil will skip the tournament)

5) Cactus Hugs

We would be willing to fork over our entire 2016 marketing budget ($1.37) right now if they would only ask!