So you moved to the Coachella Valley. Welcome. You’re about to learn that “the desert” is not one place, not one climate, and not one lifestyle. It’s more like a collection of micro-realities connected by Highway 111, questionable turn signals, and the occasional dust storm that makes you feel like you’re living inside a leaf blower.

I asked longtime locals for the best advice they’d give to someone new to Greater Palm Springs. Some tips are genuinely helpful. Some are sarcastic. A few are deeply unhinged (respectfully). That’s the valley.

This is your cheat sheet. Read it now. Thank yourself later.

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The Basics You’ll Learn Fast (Heat, Cars, and Staying Alive)

• Always use a sunshade. You will stop thinking this is optional after your steering wheel brands you like cattle. (Alexis S.)
• Run errands early. “I’ll go at 2pm” is how people end up sweaty, cranky, and buying things they don’t need. (Sheila)
• Carry water in your car. Not “sometimes.” Always. A small cooler makes you look intense, but you’ll be the one laughing. (Billy B., Angelica M.)
• Don’t leave meltable things in the car. Chocolate, makeup, sunglasses, some plastics, basically anything with dreams. (Sarah L., Marcia C.)
• Leather seats are a pain factory. If you have them, use towels or seat covers, and stop acting surprised. (Alexis S., Sheila C.)
• Shade parking matters more than distance. You’ll walk farther if it means your car isn’t an oven. (Tiffany W., Dana W.)
• Put sunscreen on even if it’s cloudy. The sun is still doing its job. Aggressively. (Alexis S.)
• Check hours before you drive across the valley. Summer closures are real, and “it said open on Google” is not a legal defense. (Sarah L.)

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Driving Here Is a Sport (And Nobody Read the Rulebook)

• Defensive driving is not optional. Everyone is either going 20 under, 20 over, or cutting across three lanes with full confidence. (Alexis S., Anthony C.)
• Stay right if you’re going slow. This is a public service announcement. (Amy W.)
• Learn the major streets. You’ll hear “Washington” and “Gene Autry” like they’re family members. (Allison L.)
• Don’t trust construction to ever end. It’s basically a recurring seasonal event. (Anthony C.)
• Watch for cyclists. Some ride like they’re in the Tour de France. Some ride like they’re trying to meet it early. (Celeste E.)

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Shopping and Errands Without Losing Your Mind

• Avoid Costco on weekends. If you go anyway, that’s between you and your blood pressure. (Danielle S.)
• Consider timing your errands. You’re not imagining it: some places are wildly busier at predictable times. (Christian S., Karla Q.)
• Assume you’ll drive farther than you expect. The valley is long. Your gas gauge will become a personality trait. (General consensus)

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Seasonal Reality Check (Winter Is Great, Summer Is… Character-Building)

• Get outside while the weather is nice. You can do a lot in winter. In summer, you’ll become a professional indoor person. (Jerry S.)
• Cabin fever is real. Summer pushes people into gyms, movies, and any building with working AC. (Aaron G.)
• The beach and mountains are within a couple hours. This is your pressure-release valve. Use it. (Tony A., Aaron G.)

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Housing and “Where You Live” Advice (Some Useful, Some Spicy)

• Having a pool helps. Even if you’re not “a pool person,” you will become one. (Patrick C.)
• Know your electricity situation. Bills vary depending on provider and location. Ask neighbors before you sign anything. (Matthew M.)
• Wind is not a rumor. Some areas get hammered. If you’re house-hunting, don’t ignore that. (Holly T., Paul P.)

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Food, Fun, and Actually Enjoying Living Here

• Find local spots. Tourist pricing is real, and it adds up fast. (Sandy B.)
• Try the tram annual pass if you’ll use it. It’s one of the best “I need to stop being a fried lizard” options. (Josh N.)
• TKB in Indio gets love for a reason. The hype is not entirely fake. (Josh N.)
• If you don’t like heat, golf, festivals, dining, hiking, or desert weirdness… you might struggle here. (Tara D.)

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Safety and Common Sense (Because Humans Are Allergic to It)

• Never hike alone. Seriously. And keep an eye on small pets. (Karen C.)
• Don’t go barefoot outside. Mailbox runs, trash runs, all of it. The ground is not your friend. (Robert H., Widd B.)
• Hydration isn’t a vibe, it’s a requirement. If you’re not peeing, you’re behind. (John S.)

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The Social Stuff (Snowbirds, Small-Town Energy, and Keeping Your Sanity)

• Snowbird season changes everything. Traffic, restaurant waits, and the general “why is everyone driving like that?” energy. (Rosie M.)
• Not all older residents are terrible. Some are lovely. Some drive like they’re auditioning for a demolition derby. (Lorraine H.)
• It’s a smaller world than you think. You’ll run into people. Often. In the most inconvenient moments. (General consensus)
• Learn a little Spanish. Even a few basics will help in real life, not just as a “be interesting at parties” thing. (Ira C., Karla Q.)

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For the Record: These Came Straight From Locals (Unfiltered)

Some of the original tips were blunt, sarcastic, or chaotic. Instead of pretending that didn’t happen, I’m keeping a few here as “local flavor,” because it reflects the vibe you’re moving into:

• “Welcome to God’s waiting room, please take a number.” (Derich L.)
• “Bring money.” (Patrick C.)
• “Summer sucks, but winter makes it worth it.” (Josh N.)

Bottom line: the Coachella Valley is awesome if you respect it. The sun is not your friend, the distances are not your friend, and some drivers are absolutely not your friend. But the winter? The winter is why people keep coming back.