The Top 15 Burger Toppings, Ranked

Some debates are worth having. Burger toppings are not one of them.

This is the definitive ranking of the top 15 burger toppings, ordered from “why is this here” to “this completes the burger.” The list is final. No appeals. No substitutions.

1. Mushrooms
   Fine in theory. Often soggy. Rarely the hero.
2. Mayonnaise
   Adds moisture, removes excitement.
3. Avocado
   Not bad, just wildly overconfident.
4. Raw Onion
   Sharp, loud, and not always invited.
5. Mustard
   A classic, but not always the right classic.
6. Onion Rings
   Delicious, but structurally reckless.
7. Ketchup
   Familiar, dependable, occasionally necessary.
8. Pickles
   Acidic balance. No notes.
9. Jalapeños
   Heat with purpose.
10. Tomato
    Works best when it remembers its role.
11. Grilled Onions
    Sweet, mellow, and deeply cooperative.
12. Thousand Island
    The great unifier. Knows exactly what it’s doing.
13. Cheese
    Mandatory. Anything less is a mistake.
14. Bacon
    Improves almost everything. Burgers included.
15. Fried Egg
    Rich, messy, and completely worth it. The undisputed champion.

Related: The best hamburger joints in Greater Palm Springs

Also worth arguing about: The top 15 hot dog toppings, ranked

Update: This post was refreshed for clarity and formatting. The rankings remain unchanged and final.

If you disagree, that’s fine. But you are still wrong.